Psalm 27: Jehovah is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? Jehovah is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When evil-doers came upon me to eat up my flesh, [Even] mine adversaries and my foes, they stumbled and fell. 3 Though a host should encamp against me, My heart shall not fear: Though war should rise against me, Even then will I be confident. 4 One thing have I asked of Jehovah, that will I seek after; That I may dwell in the house of Jehovah all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of Jehovah, And to inquire in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me secretly in his pavilion: In the covert of his tabernacle will he hide me; He will lift me up upon a rock. 6 And now shall my head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me. And I will offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto Jehovah.

7 Hear, O Jehovah, when I cry with my voice: Have mercy also upon me, and answer me. 8 [When thou saidst], Seek ye my face; My heart said unto thee, Thy face, Jehovah, will I seek. 9 Hide not thy face from me; Put not thy servant away in anger: Thou hast been my help; Cast me not off, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. 10 When my father and my mother forsake me, Then Jehovah will take me up. 11 Teach me thy way, O Jehovah; And lead me in a plain path, Because of mine enemies. 12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine adversaries: For false witnesses are risen up against me, And such as breathe out cruelty. 13 [I had fainted], unless I had believed to see the goodness of Jehovah In the land of the living. 14 Wait for Jehovah: Be strong, And let thy heart take courage; Yea, wait thou for Jehovah.

This scripture was read today during the morning service at St. Timothy's Episcopal Church. It spoke to my heart in a way that scripture hasn't spoken to me in months. I obviously have some adversaries that were unhappy with my blog last week speaking of feeling close to the Lord and how He has once again whispered "daughter" in my ear. What can I say? If I am unhappy and down they are unhappy with me, and if I am happy and feeling good, even more so unhappy....their loss. These people either do not understand, or fail to realize, that as humans we go through many a valley and many mountain tops. I have yet to meet a person untouched emotionally in either situation, and I have never claimed to be one that is untouched.

The parts of the scripture that particularly spoke to me are highlighted in red. I felt that read is the appropriate color, for Christs words are written in red in the scripture, and it was His spirit that communed with mine this morning. Basically to sum up the main points of this scripture I can say of myself......"I have no one to fear! I AM confident! He has lifted me on a rock and I will SING or SPEAK of it! Even though my mother has forsaken me, and some have breathed cruel words towards me I have been TAKEN UP by Jehovah! I will be strong and of good courage.....for I wait on Jehovah."

It has been a while since I last post. Many changes have occurred in my life, some good, some bad, but all has worked for the best. I feel for once in my life that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and that all is working out for me and my family. Jackie and I are doing well, better than ever really. The kids are great and doing well in school.

We are now attending a new church. It hurt at first leaving the small group we were involved with, but now I can see God's movement in the situation. The Episcopal church has welcomed Jackie and I as a family with open arms. Just this Sunday I joined the choir; amazingly they allow "people like me" to be involved in church programs. The song I practiced with the choir fist was one I remember hearing my high school choir director sing - "Broken and Spilled Out." Hearing the song moved me. Singing with a choir in which I am the only gay person moved me, the feeling of acceptance and love overwhelmed me. Singing the songs we sang Sunday morning at practice took me back to my high school years, All-State Choir to be exact.

I have been lifted up, higher than I have been in quite a while.My dad called last week and asked to meet me and the grandkids for dinner. He told me that my mother would no longer keep him away from me! This put me on a high that no drug or alcohol could produce. Then, amazingly, just the other day, I ran into his sister, my aunt Linda at a local gas station. I hadn't seen her since my mother took me away from dad's family when I was but ten years old. We laughed, cried, and I showed her the place in which I live. Linda has visited twice now, and asked to be called "mawma Linda", not only to my children, but to Jackie's. WOW!!! I have my dad back, I have an aunt back I lost some twenty years ago, and I still have my wonderful aunts Marsha and Tammy and my cousin, that I call sister, Nicci!

Life is looking up. God has once again wrapped His loving arms around me and called me "daughter." His love has never failed me, though I have failed Him many times. If only I could share just a piece of what I feel with everyone else in my life! I wish I could put the love and confidence into the hearts of all I love.....