It has been a while since I last post. Many changes have occurred in my life, some good, some bad, but all has worked for the best. I feel for once in my life that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and that all is working out for me and my family. Jackie and I are doing well, better than ever really. The kids are great and doing well in school.
We are now attending a new church. It hurt at first leaving the small group we were involved with, but now I can see God's movement in the situation. The Episcopal church has welcomed Jackie and I as a family with open arms. Just this Sunday I joined the choir; amazingly they allow "people like me" to be involved in church programs. The song I practiced with the choir fist was one I remember hearing my high school choir director sing - "Broken and Spilled Out." Hearing the song moved me. Singing with a choir in which I am the only gay person moved me, the feeling of acceptance and love overwhelmed me. Singing the songs we sang Sunday morning at practice took me back to my high school years, All-State Choir to be exact.
I have been lifted up, higher than I have been in quite a while.My dad called last week and asked to meet me and the grandkids for dinner. He told me that my mother would no longer keep him away from me! This put me on a high that no drug or alcohol could produce. Then, amazingly, just the other day, I ran into his sister, my aunt Linda at a local gas station. I hadn't seen her since my mother took me away from dad's family when I was but ten years old. We laughed, cried, and I showed her the place in which I live. Linda has visited twice now, and asked to be called "mawma Linda", not only to my children, but to Jackie's. WOW!!! I have my dad back, I have an aunt back I lost some twenty years ago, and I still have my wonderful aunts Marsha and Tammy and my cousin, that I call sister, Nicci!
Life is looking up. God has once again wrapped His loving arms around me and called me "daughter." His love has never failed me, though I have failed Him many times. If only I could share just a piece of what I feel with everyone else in my life! I wish I could put the love and confidence into the hearts of all I love.....
3 comments:
So when your life sucks; people betray you, the money is all gone, or illness strikes then the love of God is not wrapped around you? Your posts show a trend that when life's circumstances are good then you are on top of the world, and when the circumstances are lousy then you as well seem to be in the valley. It occurs to me that if our life is built on a foundation of love, then we have a perpetual source of strength, joy, peace, and comfort. We can cease to be so reactionary to every blowing wind, and live in that middle place where it is possible to be effective in both practical and spiritual matters.
well....anonymous....umm....yes, there are mountain tops and valleys. David walked through the valley and hid in a cave, Elijah prayed that God would kill him when he was in the valley! so is that so horrible? Even when Christ himself was about to die He prayed that it would pass from Him....then asked God while He was on the cross why His Father left Him!
Am I so horrible to feel human? To hurt when there is betrayal? or to cry when disowned by my family? NO......not horrible....human! seems i know SOMEONE that tended to cry at the drop of a hat because their situation was hurtful...a situation she brought upon herself!
Reactionary? Yes, I am going to hurt and express my hurt when I can....maybe not sit in the house to "depressed and cycling" to go out, but I will hurt and express it. AND when I hear from my dad and he expresses love for me? YES i will be on a mountaintop!!!!!
what the hell is wrong with that?
why do you have to be sooooo self-righteous? maybe when the one you are so in love with or your family is gone you will hurt, you will cry, and i curse you to think of the words you have spoke to me this day!
by the way......psalm 23 says that I will rejoice in the presence of my enemies.....hmmm.....guess my rejoicing upsets you....my enemy!
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