You can take a breath now, just try to relax and breathe. I do not foresee God striking you down while you read this blog, so just breathe. It may sound blasphemous, it may be shocking, but wait until the last punctuation before you condemn me for my title.
When God is Not Enough......Hmmm......
When I first started feeling this way and having this thought I felt guilty, scared, maybe in danger of wrath from God. I found myself down, sinking lower everyday, maybe even every minute. I feared going crazy, I feared losing someone I love, and I was full of bitterness and resentment. I spoke with my partner about these things. We had a conversation that I will never forget. I mentioned the people that say "God is all I need." That sounds good, and I guess it sounds very Christian, but is it true? If He is all we need why do we form relationships with others? Why do we get involved in churches, clubs, or even want to be close with our families? Would it not be a lonely existence if for years all we had was our self and God? We would survive, physically, but what about spiritually? emotionally?
Let's think back to the story of Adam and Eve. God made Adam and gave him the world, literally! He even graced Adam with His presence like we have never known, walking and talking with him in the cool of the day. Yet at the end of the day God saw that Adam was lonely, that something was missing, or someone. God Himself said that it was not good for man to be alone, and in response gave Adam Eve.
So Adam had the world, and He had God all to himself, yet he was lonely and sad. As blasphemous as it may sound I realize that sometimes God is not enough.
There are things I need. I need God, but I also need companionship. I need my partner, my children, and now I am finding that I need even more. A couple of months ago I thought that as long as I had my partner and my children I would be fine. A couple of months have gone by and the whole "sinking down lower" thing has started all over again. Day after day of being in this house, performing housework and taking care of kids with no other way to "be me" has taken a toll. At first I didn't believe, or want to believe, this could be my problem. I felt guilty, like a bad partner and mother. How could my wonderful family not be enough for me to make me happy? Why is it that I can't be satisfied giving to them everyday? Some people don't even have the privilege of having a family to love and care for.
After the conversation with my partner of God not being enough I now understand a little better.
It's not wrong to feel lonely, or lost. I am not belittling God and who He is in my life. For even God saw that it wasn't good for man to be alone....and man had God!
Just some thoughts.
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1 comment:
This is what I have missed most from you. An insight into a passage of scripture that makes it seem fresh and alive. I honestly have never thought of looking at that scripture that way. I don't know that God ever said he was enough. I imagine that is a man made statement. If we are all parts of God, made in God's image, then maybe God is enough but we have made God so small that we need to make God much bigger, big enough to include all of us before God is enough.
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